The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one’s self. Nothing is worse than this!

How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else. How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you”? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come the desire of the other one before ours.

This little Charlotte inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say :”It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed.

Of course you will think you get depressed because of others, because of your work, because of your children, because of your husband or parents.
It is nobody’s fault. But you have to learn how to take care of this Inner Child which is suffering from your lack of attention to her.

When, after getting depressed things still don’t change, there’s one weapon left to catch your attention : little Charlotte will get sick. Or she will get an accident. Maybe that way the adult Charlotte will learn to give finally attention to her Inner Child, which is as real (if not more) as a real child of flesh and blood.

You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.

What does that mean?

First you need to develop an Inner Mother. If you were lucky and had a loving caring mother, you can take her as an exemple. Otherwise you need to invent, to create this Inner Mother, which is your feminine caring energy. Everytime you have an emotion, your Inner Mother should ask your Inner Child : “What happens, my darling?” Listen to what your Inner Child has to say. Than you go on with the dialogue. Inner Mother says : “Come here. Come in my arms, I love you as you are. I love you with what you feel.”
Doing that, the heaviness of the emotions will drop pretty much. Than you say these words : “I understand”. These words are very important, because most of the time we don’t feel very “normal” having the feelings we have and we try to ignore or suppress them, which makes them heavier. “I understand, my darling, come here in your Mothers arms, I love you.”
Stay with these words and feelings for a while, and than ask :” What do you need?”
Whatever the Child answers, you say : “We will ask this of your Father”.

And here starts the task of your Inner Father, who is there to protect you and to act for you in the outside world. You would never send a four-year old asking for a raise at work or getting to resolve a conflict at school or with the neighbours, would you? So why do you try it? Send out your Inner Father to take care of whatever you have to do in the outside world. Your Inner Father is your male energy, which enables you to make decisions, to take action, to follow your inner guidance (which is located in you Inner Child, also called Intuition) and to manifest your Child’s desires in the world.

When your Child has a need, for instance to call someone or to go somewhere to arrange something, imagine that your Inner Child stays at home with his Mother who takes care of his feelings (“I understand you’re afraid…”) and that your Inner Father (another part of your being) goes out there to act. Your Inner Father is that part of you which is able to handle stress, to take action, to arrange conflicts and all other stuff that has to do with the outside world. If that part is missing because you didn’t have a good model when you were little yourself, you will have to create and develop it.

Of course your Inner Child, Mother and Father are all parts of you. It is all you. It is just a model to understand what is happening inside you and how you can learn to love yourself.

Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels and taking action in the desired direction. Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.

Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.
It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. Your are not alone. You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little Child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.

This is inner healing.

Written by Ineke. My main goal is to make your energy and excitement flowing again and to make you create a life filled with enthusiasm, by passing you my energy, experience and tools so you can find your passion and your reason for living and realize your dreams and yourself. http://www.theenthusiasm.com

Copyright 2007 by MyLastingLove.com. All Rights Reserved.

Do you find yourself wanting to make everyone happy, even if it means you are not? Have you hidden yourself in order to survive in your family? If you answered “yes” to the above, you are not alone. In my counseling practice, I have discovered numerous people pleasers, also known as adapters. After they overcame their issues and felt free to be their unique selves, I called them “Recovering People Pleasers.”

For example, Judy, a thirty-four year-old mother and wife, came to me because she was depressed. “I feel emotionally strangled by my husband,” she said in an angry tone.

Knowing that men and women often marry people like their mothers or fathers, I said, “Judy, go back to the time you felt that way. To her surprise, she regressed back to when she was two-years-old and her parents were yelling at her. She was crying and felt devastated. The decision she made from that experience was, “I have to please them or I will not be safe and loved.”

Then I asked Judy to go inside of her body and find the little girl that she locked up in order to survive in her family. She found little Judy in her heart, all curled up in a fetal position. I encouraged Judy to tell her little girl, “I am an adult now. It is safe to come out and be who you are. I love you. I will take care of you and protect you.” I guided Judy to imagine that she was taking little Judy to her home where she presently lived, to create a special room for the two-year-old, and then to say to the toddler, “This is your room from now on. We will walk life together hand in hand. It is safe to be who we are and we are loved.”

Judy took a deep breath of relief and felt much lighter and happier. She then realized that she chose a man who would fit her belief. I encouraged Judy to express to her husband in a loving way how she felt and what she wanted. I also recommended that she practice win-win problem solving so that they both felt empowered.

Can you relate to Judy’s story? Are you ready to be who you are and express your truth in a positive, loving way? When you don’t, you resent the people around you whom you allow to control you. In a sense, you become a puppet and give them the power to pull your strings. Then you are likely to be passive aggressive and get back at them in deceptive ways.

For example, you may make excuses to avoid being physically intimate, get sick, arrive late, be sarcastic, burn their dinner, or avoid spending time with them. Those negative behaviors are hurtful to them, you, and the relationship. This includes all forms of relationships, including lovers, children, parents, bosses, and friends.

I encourage you to resolve your fears of being who you are so that you can be happy, healthy, and loved. Then you can also be a Recovering People Pleaser.

Copyright 2007 by MyLastingLove.com. All Rights Reserved.